Does it seem like your dating life never gets off the Internet? You don’t have a problem finding a girl online. You don’t have a problem starting correspondence with her. But then, months go by, you keep communicating with this seemingly attractive and intelligent woman. You seem to click and connect on many physical and intellectual levels. You feel like you’ve known her all your life. Yet, all of this goes on virtually. The thought of meeting her is always in your mind but you keep pushing it further and further away. Tomorrow turns into next week, which turns into next month. Before you know, eternity is here, she looses interest and you are back to square one. Or worse: while she is still corresponding with you, she starts telling you about these wonderful dates she went on and how wonderful the guys were. You have now become pen pals.
Does any of this sound familiar? So how do you ask her out? You can start with these easy steps:
1. Set a date and share it. Schedule a firm date on your calendar when you will ask that girl out. However, to ensure you don’t ignore it, tell someone: tell a friend a co-worker, a sister. Tell anyone you know. This way it is not just your issue. t becomes theirs as well. And you surely would not want to let them down, would you?
2. Don’t use the word ‘date.‘ This may come as a surprise to you, but women don’t like being asked out on a date. It sounds very formal, old fashioned and demanding. Instead, have a plan and suggest she join you. For example: “Let’s go see that new Belgian film at The Forum this Friday.” Not using the word ‘date’ may also put you more at ease as you are now planning a get-together, rather than a romantic encounter.
3. Have a plan. Don’t tentatively ask her to join you. Have a place, date and time in mind. If she tells you she can’t make it, don’t ask her to give you an alternative; have a backup plan. So, if she says she can’t make Friday at 8, say “I can alternatively do Sunday at 9.” If that does not work, suggest that she get back to you with the time she’s available. Be careful with that, however. Don’t just jump at the first time she offers — that will make you appear too available and needy. When she gets back to you with Tuesday at 6, retort by: “I can make Tuesday at 9.”
4. Present an invitation, not a question. Don’t start by saying: “Would you like to… How about…. Can you…. Would you, etc.” Instead, say: “Let’s grab coffee Thursday at 2 pm at Starbucks on Main Street.” Doing this will not only show your chivalrous side (you are taking it upon yourself to think it through and make arrangements), but will demonstrate your leadership and confidence at the same time.
5. It is just a date, not open-heart surgery. If you are asking her out on the phone or in person, ensure your voice does not sound anxious and jumpy. You want to sound as relaxed and natural as possible. If needed, write down what you wish to say and rehearse a few times. But in the end, don’t fuss over it more than you have to.
Put it in perspective. If this date does not work out, you will move on to somebody else. This is not a matter of life or death. It is just a date and if she says no, there will be other women to ask. Good luck!
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